Day 16: When I say I’m Just Gonna Chill
Its already 3pm. Like where does the day, the week, the month, the year actually go these days? SubhanAllah (Glory be to God) my mum was just saying last night its been 11 years since Michael Jackson died. 11 years! It doesn’t feel like that at all that means my son was just 2 years old, seriously? 11 year has felt like nothing and yet that is our life that has gone just like that. Time that we have spent that we can never get back.
This is the kind of thought that makes me crazy, I’m always busy and even when I wanna just ‘chill’ and rest my mind is constantly reminding me of all the things that I could be, should or would be doing. I’m am in a constant battle with should I sleep or should I work? Yes, I know that sleep is important but will I just sleep my life away when there is so much to be done? I wish taking a nap these days were that simple, that easy. If I lay down for a few minutes my mind is swarmed with thoughts and ideas, especially at night. I’m a night wolf, yes wolf not owl.
Night time is when my mind is most active with new ideas and concepts and the daytime is usually (not always) the time for the execution of those thoughts and concepts especially when it involves other human beings who are not wolfs like myself. So, I’m always on the flexi time, gotta keep my time as flexible as possible while at the same time being organised just enough to get things done.
All the time that I’m working on something it’s like I’m telling myself that the reason why I have to work flat out non-stop is because I only have another 101 ideas to start and execute and most definitely not enough to get them done if I’m busy enjoying sleep or taking the daily nap.
Oh, I used to find it so easy to take naps during the day to be honest. I really don’t know what changed. I know its not my work ethic, I’ve always been a hardworking person, but its been some years now I seem to have reverted to my childhood self. That one kid that would never sleep at nap time. I can lie down and pretend to sleep and if I’m lucky the sleep will come eventually, but for me laying down for an hour and waiting for sleep to come is such an anti-climax to the execution of thoughts and ideas and although I know that sleep is a very necessary component to having a productive day and working at your best I cannot help but feel obligated to just complete my tasks first. I have once again returned to my childhood state. The little girl that won’t take a nap, I remember pretending to take a nap at my aunties house once because I wanted a doughnut and she said that we could only have one after sleeping for a bit. Can you imagine lying down for an hour just thinking about eating a jam doughnut?